


Minuscule Mercy

by ScarletteStar1



Category: Homeland
Genre: Childbirth, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Trauma, Traumatic birth, post partum depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25040578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletteStar1/pseuds/ScarletteStar1
Summary: Saul visits Carrie after the birth of Franny.
Relationships: Nicholas Brody/Carrie Mathison, Saul Berenson/Carrie Matthison
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Minuscule Mercy

Through the haze of pain medication, she rises to greet him. He appears at her bedside even larger than largest life. She licks her lips to wet them. Her mouth is dry.

“Hey you,” he says and sets a frilly package and a vase of flowers on the table next to her bed.

“Hey,” she manages. Out of instinct she tries to sit up, but pain slices her gut and forces her back into the bed. He winces. She tries to smile. She reaches for the button to raise her torso. “Did you see. . . her?”

“I did. She looks just like you,” Saul nods and takes a tentative seat on the edge of Carrie’s bed. She knows he’s lying. The second the thing was held up before her, she saw its father mirrored back to her in such violent precision it made her retch and lose consciousness. The doctors blamed it on the trauma of the procedure, not on her traumatic bond with a terrorist, or her complete ineptitude to be a mother.

But she does not call his bluff as he takes her hand in his. She accepts his minuscule mercy for what it is and blinks back her tears.

“Does Mira know?”

“Not yet,” he sighs. His eyes widen and then narrow at a point above her. It takes several heartbeats before his gaze drops back down to meet hers. “She would have wanted to come and I didn’t know how you wanted to handle things.”

“Thank you,” Carrie nods. She allows her hand to feel small in his large grasp. His palm is warm and dry. She’s about to formulate a sentence when a nurse pops into the room wheeling a bassinet.

“Someone is hungry!” The nurse says in a chipper voice. “Did you want to try to nurse her?”

Carrie drops her head back on the pillow and stares up at the ceiling. “No,” she mutters. “No, give it. . . give _HER_ a bottle in the nursery.”

“But Mom,” the nurse insists, “wouldn’t _you_ like to give her the-“

“No!” Carrie snaps. “Can’t you see I’m meeting with someone?” The nurse wheels the bassinets away without another word.

“Carrie,” Saul squeezes her hand. Carrie shrinks into the pillow. His face looms. 

“Don’t,” she says. “Please don’t even start. I tried to give her up and they wouldn’t let me.”

He looks like he might say something but then closes his mouth on his words and opens instead to ask, “What’s her name?”

“Frances, or Franny I guess? After my dad.”

“That’s a good name.”

“Well, I couldn’t name her Nichole, could I?” Tears stream down Carrie’s face. Saul digs a clean handkerchief out of a pocket and dabs at her cheek. “I’m gonna be a shit mom, Saul,” Carrie sobs.

Saul takes a deep breath in and offers, “You’ll do your best,” with a gentle shrug.

“I can barely look at her, Saul. What if I can never look at her?”

“I think they call this the 'baby blues', Carrie. It’ll pass. You’ll do alright.”

She knows he’s lying again, but she doesn’t call him on it. “Fuck it hurts to cry.”

“Hush, then,” Saul leans over her and kisses her forehead. “Get some rest. Don’t cry. Hush.”

At some point she falls asleep, her hand in his. When she wakes, he is gone. It’s dark and her breasts burn and buzz with a fullness she despises. She rolls his lies around in her mind for relief until she can sleep again.


End file.
